Probably my last dance

I rarely get chances to record my own dancing because of the obvious reasons. However it always makes holidays fun, because instead of eating I get to be stressed out. I haven’t called Roland back to restart my tryout yet, I guess after trying out for 4 months and having to split because the partner got her US immigration paper early put a clog into my momentum and two months later, I finally got a chance to see this video. Apart from the emotional pain of watching myself dance, a series of unfortunate events kept me away from a computer that can actually watch this. Let’s see what 8 years of cumulative effort can actually do now shall we?

Anyway, before I plunge head long back into it again, I have to sort out lot of things. Primarily the age issue. For someone who’s now 30, it’s weird to be into this for competitive reasons. I’ve always wanted to dance competitively because that’s where the good dancers are. Unlike the other social dances like Salsa or Swing, the average age of social dancers are pretty old, so the only place where younger people my age converges is on the competition floor. Then again, I am not THAT young anymore. The reason for this wall is multifaceted, but can be explained by the high cost of entry and lessons and the amount of dances there are in dancesport. Normally, it should only take about one year to be good at a dance and feels comfortable on the floor, when you get into Dancesport however, you have 10 dances to master, which in theory means that it’ll take about 10 years worth of effort in order to become good (which is true). So ask yourself this question, who can withstand 10 years of emotional roller coaster ride and not get discouraged?

The second issue that I have to work through is the problem of income. The burn rate per month of private lessons in Vancouver is about $500. I will only be able to last through a few years without any sort of cash inflow. Until that can be securely established, there’s no reason to commit at the moment. The reason I decided to stop working, is so that I can turn instead to work on things that I love and have that earn me money in the process as well.

Finally, I have yet to realize why I want to dance. There’s that feeling I get when I hear a catchy tune, like my heart needs to jump out, but other than that, I see no point. I’ve lived the life, I’ve enjoyed the things I gained from it, but they are not essential to my life right now. I don’t want to return to the old way of getting locked into an impasse where nothing can change. I want to change. I hope I make it.