The breaking point

It was somewhere around November 2009 when I reached the breaking point. Up until that moment in my life, I’ve always viewed life and myself as something that has to be constantly worked on. The perpetual improvement machine as I believed in or the “biggest and hardest MMORPG ever created” is how I joked to my friends.

Before that point was reached, I’d spend every second of my free time working on something. Edit some photographs, write some code, read up on new technology and just generally gain more knowledge. I did not want to become a couch potato, or someone who just mindlessly take whatever the pundits on some media decides to shove down my spinal cord.

My mental resolve broke

I simply couldn’t go on anymore. It was a moment in my life where I just thought: “Why so serious?”. So instead of the usual “what should I improve on next?” the question I ask myself became: “Which vice do I want to indulge in today?”

I am sitting here typing and I am thinking about how this impacts my life. At first, I didn’t think it’s a good place to be at but on second thought, who says this is bad? I’ve only known hard work all throughout my life, maybe that’s exactly what’s wrong. Why am I working hard through effort when I can achieve the same conclusion through some smarts added to the effort?