Quitting coffee: day 1

What a nasty day.

I decided to wear my best shirt, pants and suit to work in order to hide any withdrawal symptoms. I felt the cravings while driving in to work. It came in the form of am image, image of a brown mug with the logo of Tim Horton. As I come to understand later, this is the form that the devil have decided to take on to exercise its option to torment me.

Another craving in the form of that image came and went during lunch. I was really tempted to take my usual hike across the overpass to get my Timmy’s coffee. This walk had been part of my self cleansing journey for the past year whenever I have the need for a focused mind. The reward is the coffee. The journey, a walk on top of the freezing windy highway to be drowned in traffic noise and cool down my hyperactive brain.

Which is why today, I gladly joined my colleagues for a quick lunch at a faraway cambodian restaurant. It saved me from my daily lunchtime cravings.

4PM came and went, I felt extremely withdrawan and struggled to stay awake. The rest was a blur and with a very irritable me getting pissed off by everything.

The night was spent watching DVD and eating junk food. I have a hard time motivating myself to do anything. Not even the prospect of getting money excites me. Everything looks bleak and I questioned my motivation for the things I do. Conversation with roomates seem to alleviate some of the withdrawal, but it didn’t relieve the outlook I have on my life at this moment. The main question being why I am not happy with my achievements and the conclusion is that I am drawing peace from a shaky fundation which rely on having achievements. The peace needs to be drawn from somewhere more solid. Question is, where?

Another question is, why am I drawing happiness from achievements?