Healing

Got my site backup.

Not that it is a long struggle, it took me 2 days of mental gymnastics to figure out what’s wrong with the transfer and about 3 days of communication between two hosting providers. The debugging part, once I’ve finally convinced myself that I am smart enough and strong enough to endure the process, actually took only 1 hour.

Most of my life’s hurdles are like this. Not really hard to solve when I get down to it, but the mental hurdle that I needed to overcome and convince myself is very high. Think of it as a charging up of a lot of energy before releasing a tsunami to overwhelm the problem. The preparation to have food ready and the process of freeing up the time for the days ahead that I expect to spend on this project. The problem almost always end up being easier than expected and gets solved earlier once all the preparations are done.

It took this long, because fixing this website, is way down on a long list of things I am doing to heal myself. Unbeknownst to me, there were several things that have accumulated in my life and dragging me down with it. (For example, the lower back injury I suffered when the Yogi stood on my back in India during the hardcore class took 1 year to heal). Once I decided to take the hit gave them a proper closure, life feels lighter. I liked the feeling, so I continued to give closure to the list of things I left unresolved. It is also, very surprising, how certain insignificant thing are actually big drags on my mood. I never would’ve known their contribution to the negative had I not attempted to bring closure to them.

I am also surprised at the fact that a lot of my problems actually have solutions to them once I sat down to try and figure it out. Then once I figured out the solution, I’d often look at people in life with the same problems walking past me on the street and wonder why they kept living with the same problems?

That’s when it occurred to me. That you need time and money to solve problems. But most importantly, you need to be open minded enough to understand that the problem can be solved. Or, at least, believe in being able to find a solution if you tried.

It’s been a while since I was able to sit down and type properly with a keyboard. Being able to materialize my thoughts at the speed that it is racing through my mind put a clarity to things that was murky before. You only notice these things, once you’ve abstained from it for a while.