Awakening

I didn’t discuss this much with anyone since the awakening took several months to play out.

It was not India itself that caused the transformation, but rather being so sick and delusional for a full month that the only thing I can do was catch up on some reading. That and the fact that rats, cockroaches and all sorts of weird vermins were crawling all over the mat on the ground at “Kumiko’s ghost house”. If there is any particular place where you can die from simple sicknesses, it is Varanasi in India.

Many people reached some sort of enlightenment there because in their mind, they’ve marked that as the place to reach enlightenment. Some reached enlightenment of sorts and remained so damaged that they never managed to leave Varanasi.

The proper way of looking at enlightenment or awakening is that the messages have always been there and everywhere. All the gurus in India, with their limited command of English, are just repeating memorized phrases from their masters. To think that people who are not fluent in English is able to give you proper pointers for awakening is to fool yourself. The messages have always been there, but it is you who are not ready to hear it. Certain messages cannot be understood until you’ve understand the message before that.

I did not know that I was going through an awakening. But I now understand it for what it is because when I think back on my past experiences now on things I did not understand, everything makes sense. That is how I know I have been awakened. In a sense, my subconscious have been guiding me on the right path from the choices I made, it is my conscious mind that was not willing to accept the harsh truth. Correct, with my fragile unsuccessful younger self, the knowledge would’ve been devastating. It is only when I have reached certain success in life, will I be able to look at truth and discard the hurt because it doesn’t matter anymore as I draw strength from my success instead of this false sense of self that needs upkeep from the good feelings of a distorted reality.