A page from the real journal

Pariston is back. My enthusiastic CEO personality. I should probably stop referring it as Pariston since it is me. But I notice its absence greatly when I was sick. And then there’s the me writing this.

What is messed up is that I wanted Pariston to take over. Or I mean the life that Pariston character can promise. Where not one individuals in life will ever matter too much as to hurt me. Where everything is fine because I am just trying to parlay everyone into the goal I set.

There’s the journal I write here and then there’s my real paperback journal. Nothing beats the feeling of pen on paper on a train ride at night in the middle of nowhere. Deranged, sleep deprived and a little hazy on penmanship.

But its these words that I read when I go back in time to find out what happened where. These thoughts from my true self that is very different from the facade and too weird for the Normal society. If i wear my true self, I’d be a crazy man. I know because I once did.

And for some reason, the only time I manages to write with such clarity of self, is when I am in this condition. Maybe, I am traveling to meet myself over and over again in short bursts of seconds from he reflections in the window.