Pretending to be something that you should be, but are not

For about 3 months, I’ve been caught in this weird limbo and often had to sit down and reflect on what had just happened. It explains the slight desperation in my tone, the feeling that I am bullshitting through every interaction and my overall inability to convince people due to my lack of confidence.

At this moment, I’ve made several commitments to people for things that needs to be done in the near term all without having money in the corporate account. All I had going for me is the promise that the money will arrive in the bank before a certain deadline. Eventhough it is true, proper financial discipline says that the money is never yours to spend until it is in your bank account and what is 100% possibility in business is merely just a 50% chance at a potential 100% outcome.

So if you think about it, I am who I am with every intention of being who I promise I am. Yet I’ve had to lie (or rather embellish) on that fact because the money isn’t there. If you look at it from an outsider’s perspective, the reality that I am basing all my action on, depends solely a promise made by someone else. That’s why, the whole time I was negotiating deals with people, I feel like I am in a reality that I have to lie about being true.

This is why people say their business is always on the verge of falling. Every step in the process from founding has the potential to destroy the whole business before it can even get a footing no matter how much time and money is invested.

If you think about it from a different light though, it might be a testament of how good I am at persuading people of my cause.