2012 year of consolidation

Lethe died and now I am a leaf in the wind

The biggest event this year has been the death of my cat Lethaeus and the deep change in my life view in the subsequent reflection on what I have done till now. I am free to do what I must do but I am also missing a part of me. With her disappearance, I stopped practicing caring for another being daily, which will eventually shape how I am going to become. Watch me soar.

Growth

With power comes responsibilities, with power you are forever changed. No longer a grunt, people interacts with me differently. I did my best to reach out to as many as I can before I have to take on the mantle, but they were just the dying spasms of a fish out of water. Truth is, no one new is interested in me as a person at the lowest rank of society and I am really not interested in being too close to people I meet after I take on the mantle of responsibilities.

I begrudgingly took it on, out of hatred for the inequality and hatred for my own insignificance and lack of experience. Every time someone piss me off, it just makes me hungrier to reach success. Every time I get ignored, it makes me dream of the day that consequences of ignoring me becomes too great for anybody.

But why would I need such fake submission and adoration when they are all just constructs of power and not my true self. Did I mention that life is unfair?

Story

I asked a girl out and got rejected because I needed the rejection in order to focus. It’s the only way to get my body to stop creating hormones that’ll interfere with the important task ahead. Of course, there’s a small chance of the thing succeeding. In which case, work can kiss my ass.

Changes

One thing is very certain now. I have finally risen from the financial crisis of 5 years ago. It has been back and fourth, with little periods of hope in between. Looking back, it’s amazing that I am finally seeing the fruits of labor from seeds I planted 5 years ago. Reality takes a lot longer than the idea in the dream. I had thought that 3 years was enough and it took me 2 years longer of struggling.

During these two years of waiting and struggling, I went ahead and completed almost all my projects. A wallet design, repaired the forever flashlight, made my secret code book. Made a great digital filing system with triple redundancy for all my information. All completed except project Zania with the house cleaning still ongoing due to the additional burden of my parent’s stuff. So, selling/throwing everything away and reaching a minimalist lifestyle took 2 man years for 3 people’s possessions.

I doubled my stock portfolio net worth without any income to inject into it.

Acceptance

I accepted the fact that life is unfair. Stereotypes are true and that the belief of “be yourself” only works for privileged people and is just a catchy phrase to give the grunts some hope. I understand this now because I was ignorant of it before. No, I actively sought to ignore the two sectors I hated. Finances and Politics. As an engineer, these two sectors are the bane of logic. Little did I know that they are the encyclopedia of how the world works. Once I decided to study them to find a formula to beating the game of life, I began to understand. The world that I believed I live in, was a construct of a fantasy.