That slight glint of fear in their eyes

Could it be respect? There is something very different from what I am used to. It feels, to me at least, that the expressions on their face and the soul in their eyes are off. As if they fear my wrath and are eager to please me. An attitude very different from the attitude I remembered if I compare it to when I was living in Montreal. Then again, maybe I am actually comparing to who I was 4 year ago. Since I don’t get much chance to interact with the general population ever since I got into Matrox.

I suspected that it’s because I actually look older now. At least, as old as someone who’s no longer a student. Could this be how my peers have been treated, but denied to me because of my perennial youthful look? Even now, I still get people who mistakes me as a student when I slip into my poor man’s T and jeans disguise. Roland, an international judge also suspected that I am older than I look… I asked him how old he think I was… 27, but he got to that number after already adjusting for the Asian age gap. Were people not treating me seriously because I had always looked as young as a student?

Or, people here are just that more dedicated to their job. Or it’s the fact that Asians represent $$$ here. I don’t know. What I suspect though is that the root of the cause is actually because I can see fear and respect from people’s demeanor now. Which says something about my internal growth. To be able to see other’s fear and respect for me, tells me that I have actually stopped feeling inferior to other people. It’s an attitude of inadequacy acquired when I first landed in Canada because I couldn’t speak French or English. At least, this is what I want to believe have happened.

Irregardless of the truth, it feels… strange to have random people I just met respect me. At least I don’t fell like I need to prove myself as much and it cuts down on explanations which leads to more action. (less talk more doing). All the better. Something… just… feels… off. Like the first time I revisited Taiwan and people stares at me wherever I go because they thought I was this one singer on TV and my brother was mistaken as my manager. Good times.