Normal

I am normal now and I have to laugh at the type of things I track even when I feel like shit. The analytical side of my mind that never shuts off.

The depression cycle is about 2 weeks and each bout takes 5 days out of what would otherwise be very productive time. They occur all the time, only once in a while, the feeling of doom becomes unbearable. I’ve trained myself to continue doing things, things that are trivial but clogs up my mind during these times, but they don’t really help in the grand scheme of things. I’ve also been hacking away at self help audio books and I drew a major conclusion from them. That when I jokingly say, planning for the future was the trigger. It made me stop enjoying the day to day “doing” of what I enjoy and forced my mind upon the insurmountable amount of tasks ahead until completion. There’s one thing I am going to aim to do more. That is to slow down getting to the goals and spend more time enjoying the trek. You know what is next on my books to read when you hear this: “Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance”

I suspect that these cycles will continue until I can actually generate enough income to sustain myself. Sometimes dreams will have to meet reality and get the bills paid.