Harmony 2

What’s most interesting about my new found harmony is the fact that my perceived persona in all the circles I walk, have synced themselves up to the same person.

Whereas before, there used to be a very big disconnect between the characters that I was when I was in different circles in dancing, working and school. Nowadays there is only one character in all circles in terms of stature, financial stability, decision making and likability.

Notice the use of the word character. I kept the word from my first draft because that is the most fitting description of how I think I am right now. Character because who I am is a deliberate creation of who I wanted to be in the past. After “THAT” particular event, I only had a vague understanding of what was wrong with me. It was enough to allow me to take my first step in rounding out my rough edges. Asking people didn’t help, I had to fumble my way around a bit to be able to see my problems. Character, because I am still not sure if I am a creation of my old self or I am actually me.

It’s still work in progress, but what I set out to change about me in personality are: Competitiveness and criticism. These two came too naturally for me and I had to “act” the opposite of what my natural tendency is at the beginning in order to get a feel of the opposites. Once I did that, I am then able to take over with my logical mind to decide what to keep and what to leave behind. It is a different way of being and there were a lot of mistakes made, I only hope that one day, I don’t have to control my natural tendency because the natural response is the way I want to be.

That is the plan for inner harmony. For the outer harmony, I set about very concrete steps to improve my finances and expand the network of people I know. These are more measurable improvements that gave me strength as I see the finish line cropping closer. What seemed like an impossible and desperate task just a few years ago now seemed almost within grasp.

Now when I walk onto the dance floor. I no longer have to pretend to be an alpha male. I am one. The difference is, I can be one without being aggressive against others. Rather, being the magnet that draws people who wants to lean on the strength of someone strong and solid. THAT is the difference between real dominance and fake ones.

I am here, where I wanted to be, instead of always having to fake who I think I ought to be.