Unveiling of my demon

Finally, I see my flaw. It started as a fleeting sensation during one of my morning meditations: a glimpse of a feeling similar to a random heart murmur. When it came to me, I wondered briefly if having only 3 hours of sleep caused this before disregarding the possibility. I have become too good at controlling my alertness after my previous experiments. This feeling, of self induced censure along with the total lack of words to describe, made me realize that I am looking at one of my demons. Back track a bit through the trails of thought and the show got is suddenly interesting. The discovery is a result of my awareness of my weaknesses and my lifestyle of truth saying.

Understanding the intermingling of opposites is critical to arrive at this juncture. In these meditation sessions, I explore my strengths in order to see my weaknesses. It just happens that today, I looked at my skill of observing the minutiae of human body which I’ve prided myself on ever since I started dancing.

I thought that with this skill, I can understand people.

The problem is, this reliance prevented me from exploring other skills critical to understanding people. Looking back, there are numerous times when I managed to observe the body language, but didn’t know how to react. What I failed to understand is that even though I can see the present, I cannot predict their future thoughts.

I lack the ability to follow other people’s state of mind, to see what they will be thinking and this prevented me from being able to bring people from one state of mind to another and lead a satisfying interaction. It also prevented me from understanding why people get offended by things that are so insignificant in my life. I can’t feel their state of mind, or rather:

I REFUSE TO BECAUSE I THINK IT’S WORTHLESS