Indecision

I simply picked up and left and ever since then I’ve only been able to talk to a few about it. A topic that I usually change quickly. I am afraid of thinking about dancing, afraid that I will start comparing my current self to what I was before. That part of me which is like a rebel against the rest, speaking bluntly of passion and fire while I slowly extinguish its life force. The music had already died in my room.

Every time I hear others at work bragging about dancing, or caught a glimpse of a great custom at the dry cleaners my mind races in a whirlwind before I can restrain myself. The effort usually leave me emotionally vulnerable for the rest of the day. I had left because I realized that my life’s flaw is preventing me from improving. Without equalizing these flaws, the dance will be jagged. Now there are only two goals left to reach before I can allow myself to indulge in that so close yet so far away.
A simple inquiry from an acquaintance sent my heart soaring with excitement. Not happy, nor sad, just excitement.

Then I turned on the music again… my heart choked in my throat.