Time

I've had alot of time sitting and thinking lately as I anxiously await the response. For once, I want to get something I want. So many times I've heard people saying that the things you want always arrive when you no longer needs it. I've wanted to prove that wrong for so long.

Yet there I was, sitting beside my phone, afraid to check my messages. I felt alive, afraid, excited and in love. It feels like I am calling to arrange a date with a girl for the firt time of my life.

To fail at the last stage of the struggle, or to win the first place. Like placing 2nd in a competition, you can prepare all you want, but the emotion will eventually overwhelm you when the event take place. When that happens, what little control we have of our reality will slip through and we will be stripped down to the raw self.

All these waiting and time. It's the first time in my life that I have too much of. I began to see too far, think too much, prepare too many options. Eventually chickenout on things in the end or just slack off at the enormous work ahead.

I used to say, that the busier the person is, the more the person will get done. I have lived that experience and am looking at it from another side now. Am I scared? Hell yes. But it's such a comforting and familiar feeling.