Losing control

An email reminder from my past self that I set through some online service, the password of which I’ve long forgotten, have put me back in my seat about the amount of control I am exerting on my circle of influence. “Lose control of yourself”.

It was set during a time when I realized a flaw in the way I go about achieving my goals. I’ve always been a chaser, not taking into consideration about tact and timing. I’d wake up one day, think up of something to do and proceed on accomplishing it that day no matter what. The result of which are sometimes devastating as the failure to consider other’s timing and my own timing often resulted in some hurt feelings, insensitivity and too much persistence.

I can’t say that it’s the wrong way of tackling life, because I would definitely have abandoned certain things if I was sensitive to my surrounding.

To my dismay, I discovered the power of pulling back: the human nature which dictates our valuation of worth. The emotional worth of a subject of interest is a factor of the amount of effort dedicated to the acquisition of said subject.

So what did I do? I cast out a web, wait patiently while refining what I am going to do once the events and timing are just right so the action is swift and decisive. I still get the same chance as everyone else, I am just more adept at handling it when it happens in my favor.

Which brings me back to the question of losing control. The achievements have lost their appeal, because the predictions have foretold the possible outcomes to me. Or I have locked myself in to the predefined outcome, leading to less variety in the events.