Breakup

I wasn’t sure whether or not to write this later when I can better reflect logically my thoughts and compose sentences that make sense or to do it now while the emotion flows through me freely. After a short discussion with her, we’ve officially split the partnership.

The music I am listening for this moment is System of a down. Thanks to Micci for this, at least not the stupid evanescence songs I listen to last time that just make me sink even more. It’s so loud that I feel bad for the people living beneath me. But so what fuck them. It’s 4 pm so they can take my middle finger.

For all my independent life, I’ve danced. I’ve always struggled for money and living on a fine edge of poeverty. Living pay check by pay check to pay for the tailsuit the 60$ dance lesson per week and expensive shoes. For half of that, I spent it with her.

We sat down at Timmies and talked about it. It’s a nice discussion we talked about our future and our problems. I realized that this is probablly what we are missing. Social time out where we can learn about each other, instead of the stressful practices that have to be dealt with. But it’s all too late now, too much bitterness created from things that’s been done. I cannot forgive her for those, even though I try to, because the damage has already been done. It’s not like I didn’t try to get these time outs together to improve the relationship, but after being refused 3 times I get the point.

Maybe she eventually realized that she’s going to lose alot. I heard alot of positive things from my teachers and I guess she just realized what she’s going to be missing from what they told her, but then again, I am going over my head. Anyway, I’ve always felt the need to be superior to others by dancing and that’s probablly the main reason I danced. That and the fact that dancing removes the language barrier so i can fully express myself. But I no longer need to feel superior.

I also can’t take her attitude anymore… This has been an interesting beginning of a year. It definitely started out with a bang when I learnt that my dad had a mistress and she tried to suicide by taking too much sleeping pills in order to get my dad to divorce my mom. Then this and what else? I think I can say that my life is in tatters with everyone close to me suddenly gone. Now I do feel sad. I think I’ll lie down and drench myself in this sadness for a while.

Here’s a picture of a glorious time.