State of mind

I always dread joining a game of soccer or any activity remotely close to… well team sports.

Back when I was small, there was one team sport that I was really good at: Dodge ball. It's all about the praise and having people worshi you because you are an atheletic celebrity.

When I moved here, none of these sports are familiar to me. I remember the first time I was put in my gym class playing hockey, basketball and soccer. It is then that the fear of team sport got instilled in me. I sucked, no one wanted me and I can sense it. I should just give up like all the other non sporty people and just let it be, but instead I tried to get better at it and of course people got a laugh out of it.

No one can teach me back then because I didn't understand french or english very well. All the rules of hockey and soccer are learnt from watching when the referee blow his whistle and trying to figure out why. Rest assured, I wasn't very popular because of that. My parents are no help in teaching me any of the team sports and there was a time when I dreaded gym classes or my weekly soccer practice.

I want to be good, I want to be white, I want to be part of the society. Fuck off.