Life and goth and BDSM

I wonder if the current goth costume is created because the old goth thinking were very similar to that of BDSM and alot of the old goth participate in BDSM, thus creating the “goth” style of dressing up by fucked up people who does nothing but copy others without knowing the meaning.

For a while, I've been doubting my way of thinking. The way of acting that I consider natural for myself. I was slowly accepting the fact that maybe I need to change and accept the norm of the society. That I am just a freak in my way of thinking and acting and no one will ever understand it.

Then… someone showed me today that there's a whole world out there with the same mindset.

Then throughout this conversation, I suddenly understand why I was frantically looking. People understand me when I tell them about things, but they don't live it. You can tell in their eyes when they are just putting that comment on the back burner without it triggering anything in them. Some remote memory, or understanding. For ages, I've been searching for that understanding of my efforts. For someone who've done the same to acknowledge…

Then I watched “shall we dance” It hit me harder this time than when I first watched the japanese version because it is the life that I live and the problems I think about everyday. It's something that normal people who doesn't have this lifestyle will not understand completely… and that's what I want.

In the movie, there was this one line that hit me “Marriage, is not passion, but a witness to each other's life. Because what are we to others? That they'd care about our life? In marriage, you stand witness to the great events of the other, the boring ones, the mundane ones and the bad ones.”

“Rumba, is the vertical expression of a horizontal desire. You need to feel her up, like you are going to fuck her in bed passionately. Passionately love her and caress her as the woman you love. Then drop her and make her regret ever dumping you.” ~Jennifer Lopez

YEAH PISSED! I hate being understood. Then it shows I am not a freak and I have to seek out others like me.