If I were to leave

So… my brother asked me this question which triggered a chain reaction on my thought process:”So, when are you leaving in October?”

It was a comment made on what I had said a year ago. It never occured to me that I have no more reason to stay in Taiwan. Looking back in the past month, I see myself slowly getting comfortable at the thought of sticking with the current situation and continue on with our start up company.

I had come to this country to be an engineer doing designs in Integrated Chips. Now, that goal is no longer important in my life. The more I thought about it, the more I ask myself “why not?” The only answer is fear.

I have grown alot… and the growth I can only experience in the next two year here is patience. The ability to keep at a project until it is finished. To settle down my heart and be content with whatever it is, whoever I work for and whoever I dance for. But to settle down like that, I need a place I want to stay at first.

Another urgent matter that caused this decision is the new partner that my two teachers want to pair me up with for the next two years. I like her, she can be at the top one day and she makes me want to sleep with her. But I also know that if I stay, it'll be for the dancing… and I can get a better environment for that if I move back to montreal. No, that is not reason enough for me to stay and I will not destroy her life.

My father's reaction surprised me though as he actually supports my decision instead of trying to make me stay like I thought he would. I thought I had to wrestle with him logically again but no.

Why do I not want to move? Cause I can't bring myself to betray what I had said before to people “Yes, I am here to settle down.” I was afraid of truths, but now I know that truth is the only way to end all the headache.

2nd day with this thought, the day of doubts for a major decision.

3rd day is the day of actions.