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Well, no good news is coming from anywhere in my life. My dance partner stood me up, twice… Did I do something wrong? I did not pursue her and I don't suck as a dancer. God is it always like this with women in Taiwan? No integrity?

Work project failed and we are scrambling for a working chance at respin. Deadline is September 19th. Or we all go unemployed. An 8th person left the team. Our team's turnover rate is now a whopping 50%. Yeah, nothing is ever higher.

My life sucks ass. I'd go through long periods of intense work, Responsibilities with scraps of time to wash my cloth. I'd get detached from reality… from humanity for an extended period of time. When I do get a few days of normal life. What I had built as normal life before had already flickered away. The short contact with reality, only serves as a sharp contrast of the sorry life I have as a human being. Each time, it reminds me of how I should be living and makes me depressed about how I am farther and farther away from that goal.

I am not getting a raise, and the average canadian mcdonald cashier earns more than me with less work and less complexity of tasks than me. People in the corporate world treat me like shit, because I am the youngest with the least experience. I need to know people like me, young professionals at work who just started out.

This sucks and not even dancing sooths my soul. I hate whining about it. Sure, I understand that people only get attracted to people who are upbeat and fun. Who'd want to be around someone depressing. But it's getting harder and harder to smile. It feels like my facial muscles are locking into a frown. There's nothing I look forward to anymore. Nothing brings me happiness anymore.

There used to be a time, when plain white bread taste like the best thing in the world. Oh, I am now 70 kg. Gained about 2 kg of muscle. But I do not feel any pride in succeeding that.