Life is a rollercoaster ride

I hate it when I am happy and feel like the top of the world, because I get this annoy feeling… The feeling of an upcoming downfall that’ll be equal in magnitude to this new high I am feeling.

On a side note. I think that I get a big rise out of seducing women. The more I seduce, the happier I am and life, is a blessing. Shallow? isn’t it? But what else can you feel when there are women tugging and pulling at your arm trying to get your attention while a constant stream of jealousy shoot from other women towards the one you are talking to…. The constant sidelong glances, and the weird way people’s head seems to turn, in order to better hear what you are saying to that girl sitting next to you.

A colleague whom I never talk to made the first move today. She spun around suddenly and made an open waiting gesture for me to catch up to her… after I smiled at her on the bus that is. But why am I not happy? With so many wanting me? Why am I not taking advantage of every chance and move it to the next level… Hardcore fucking?

Am I gay? I doubt that… for I do want to make love with them. There are two women I constantly fantasize about making love to, so what the heck is my problem? Is my childhood upbringing really this binding on my actions? Anyone care to explain?