Wrapping up

I feel like going back on my decisions, taking back the promises I’ve made to myself. Thinking that if only I don’t think this way… But I did think about it that way. I do understand why I am having doubts and why I choosed what I will do in the future. Sometimes, I hate knowing myself so much. I cannot just merge with the moment and hate how fate plays with human lives. Hatred so deep that it can block out all the feelings. No. I know the truth, the why and how. I know what I must do. I know that it will be ok afterwards. That… I think. The knowledge of the fact that it will be ok afterwards, is what is hurting me. Life goes on, it is the cruelist thing. I want it to hurt so much that there’s nothing after. Yes… I don’t want to have anything after. I am happy now.